Here’s a Few Jokes

Today marks an important as well as very sad day in American history. Thank you to all of the first responders and those who helped recover people from Ground Zero. My thoughts and prayers go out to all of the families affected by the tragedy. Never forget. On this day, I’d like to be able to give everyone something to smile about. With that in mind, here’s a few jokes!

Why did the chewing gum cross the road?

He was stuck on the bottom of the chicken’s foot.


Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson decide to go on a camping trip. After dinner and a bottle of wine, they lay down for the night, and go to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend. “Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see. “Watson replied, “I see millions of stars.” “What does that tell you?” Watson pondered for a minute. “Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.” “Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo.” “Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three.” “Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant.” “Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.” “What does it tell you, Holmes?” Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke: “Watson, you idiot. Someone has stolen our tent!”


A burglar broke into a home. He heard a soft voice say, “Jesus is watching you.” Thinking it was his imagination, he continued his search. Again, he hears: “Jesus is watching you.” He turned his flashlight around and saw a parrot in a cage. He asked the parrot if he was the one talking. The parrot said, “Yes.” So he asked the parrot his name, and the parrot replied, “Moses.” The burglar asked, “What kind of people would name a parrot Moses? “The parrot replied, “The same kind of people who would name their pit bull, Jesus.”


Parallel lines have so much in common. It’s a shame they’ll never meet.


What do you call a fake noodle?

An impasta!


Me-What mouse walks on two legs?
Friend- I don’t know.
Me-Mickey Mouse
Me-What cat walks on two legs?
Friend-I don’t know, what cat?
Me- Tom from Tom and Jerry
Me-What duck walks on two legs?
Friend- Daffy Duck!
Me- No all ducks stupid!

Have a good week everyone. 🙂