Adulting is Hard

adulting
Photo courtesy of Echo Magazine

This semester I’ve learned a lot of things, but one of the biggest things I’ve learned is that adulting is hard, or at least whatever it is that I’m doing seems like adulting and it’s a lot.

Living in the dorms the past two years, I didn’t have to worry too much about preparing my food. Most of the time, I would get something from one of our dining halls or their express shops or I would pop something in the microwave and voila, my food would be ready. This year, things are a bit different. I have a kitchen! I’m very happy to be able to make food for myself but it has been an interesting balance trying to make sure I still get all of my school work done and then also cooking and making something decent for myself to eat. I’ve enjoyed being able to use my kitchen though for the most part. Very thankful for it as well. ๐Ÿ™‚

When I lived in the dorms and even living at home, chores have always been a thing. Cleaning up after myself has always been a thing. I would consider myself a pretty clean person but I never realized how much responsibility comes with having a space to yourself like my apartment until I’ve had to take care of it. Vacuuming and cleaning the floors are a regular part of my weeks. Cleaning my mirrors and wiping down countertops, tables, and my decorative table are also things I have to keep up with. Dishes, laundry, the lists go on and on and on. I may sound like I complain when I say these things and sometimes I do complain that there’s so much to do and only one person to do it. But I’ve also learned that I appreciate cleanliness and that cleaning up around my apartment makes for a great study break sometimes.

Reflecting on what I’ve mentioned here with my food situation and my cleaning, I feel like I still haven’t done much of this thing that people do call “adulting” but I feel like I’ve had a good introduction to what’s to come.

Sorry for another short post this week. I have a lot going on with school and I’m really trying to finish two of my classes early since I have the chance to with them being asynchronous and fully online. Final push here!! Have a great week everyone!

Reminder to Be Kind

This week, I’ve got a lot going on so I need to keep this a bit short. An anatomy test and econ test are in my future unfortunately. I hope you all had a great and safe Halloween! It’s crazy how fast the year has flown and that it’s already November. I also hope that you are all staying happy and healthy. With flu season on its way and the cold temperatures coming in, it’s more important than ever to be healthy. With all of what is going on in our country currently, especially with Election Day being on Tuesday, I just wanted to remind you all to be kind.

We may differ in our political views and opinions but we need to respect one another. You don’t need to sever ties with your family and friends, just because they vote for a different person. Yes, these choices matter, but that shouldn’t be what ends a relationship. You don’t need to call people names solely based on the fact that they filled in a different bubble than you did on the ballot. Let’s act like mature adults with this wonderful right we’ve been given. You don’t need to create an environment of hate and tension in a time when that’s really the last thing our country needs. We may not see eye to eye on various issues, but we need to recognize that and choose to be the better people. We need to use our heads, think with clear minds, and do what we think is best not just for ourselves but for the wellbeing of the country. We need to educate ourselves, and learn the facts, so that we can be better people and functioning members of society. More than anything, we need to BE KIND. Not just on Tuesday with the election or throughout the week but every day.

Be good to each other. Be kind and stay healthy and safe. See you next Sunday.

reminder to be kind

Fitness Journey Update

fitness journey update

On July 26, I posted that I was going to start working with a personal trainer to help me find a sustainable and healthy workout routine. If you’d like to read that post here’s the link to it! FITNESS JOURNEY BEGINNING! Not only that, but I had the goal of adjusting my eating habits and working to create more healthy lifestyle habits for myself. Here we are, now on October 25. I’ve been working with my trainer for about three months now and I just wanted to give a little fitness journey update!

I think the hardest thing for me this past three months has been training my mindset. I’m easily motivated to workout and hardly find myself having to force myself to do my workouts, but I struggle with the progress part of this whole process. After dealing with such painfully-slow healing with my injuries in high school, my patience has really been cut short and I get frustrated easily when I don’t see progress or improvement quickly. There have been moments where I’ve stared at myself in the mirror and still hated what I see but I’ve noticed that I’m feeling that way, less and less as I’ve been working out more. I still struggle with my patience but I’m starting to appreciate the process and celebrate the small progressions and little victories. When I first started with my trainer, I was tracking my activity in a log but now with my watch, I just track my workouts from there. In my log, I was tracking the little victories I had and I think that’s part of the reason I’m starting to see a more positive mindset when it comes to progress and I’m starting to be a bit kinder to myself.

My favorite thing to do is look back on that activity log and see those little sprinkles of positivity. Like on August 22nd, I did bench squats for the first time and that was my first time ever lifting truly heavy weight. I squatted 95 pounds that day. When I first started in the gym, I was mainly working with 10 and 15 pound weights during arm circuits and arm workouts but it was really tough. For being a tennis player and also setter during my volleyball years, I’m shocked my upper body strength was so weak!! That has been one of the main focuses of the time with my trainer. Upper. Body. Strength. On September 19th, I wrote that I was finally able to EASILY work with the 15 pound weights. Good day. ๐Ÿ™‚ The next weekend, my trainer noted that my core was clearly stronger because I was able to do an exercise that I hadn’t been able to do when I first started working with her. That was something that made me really happy. In October, some of the highlights came from October 2nd where I wrote that I didn’t expect myself to be able to do wide leg squats with a 65 pound kettlebell as easily as I did. I also bench pressed for the first time that week and lifted 55 pounds. Not much, but a good start. I also did some core stuff with these weird elbow sock things where you dangle off of the ground and I found those really fun. I stopped tracking my activity after I got my Galaxy Watch 3 for my birthday since my watch can do that for me, but I still note the little things that motivate me to push myself harder. Like last weekend, my delts were really starting to get some definition and just yesterday, I bench squatted 125 pounds, setting a new PR for myself. I was really proud of that. This fitness journey has been no joke. I’ve been really sore some days but I love the feeling of being sore. It means things are working and progress is being made!!

When this all began, my first few workouts were very full-body focused and as I’ve progressed, the days have become more focused on arms, legs, triceps/back, glutes/back, and cardio. I appreciate the focused days, especially arm days. They suck but I find myself enjoying those the most because I feel like I die the least on arm days haha. My trainer has also been such an important part of this whole fitness journey. She’s an amazing person and I’m so happy to consider her not only a mentor but also a friend. She has done so much for me and I love getting to workout with her and laugh and have fun, even when she’s killing me with the intense workouts.

I’ve really tried to refrain from making the goal of all of this to lose weight. That’s not what this is about. I’ve told myself that I’m working to get stronger mentally and physically. With that said however, I have lost 8 pounds to this day. I see and feel strength in my arms and core and my legs are feeling a bit tighter. As I mentioned a little before, I feel better about myself but I still have some things to work on regarding the mental aspect of this all.

Regarding food, I try to stick to the same things when I’m at school. Breakfast is avocado toast with two poached eggs and I try to add some sort of sausage or other protein when I can. For lunch and dinner, it varies, but I’ve cut out pasta (unless it’s whole wheat) and have really tried to up my protein and fiber intake. I eat a lot of salads and soups and have really enjoyed making use of my air fryer to help keep vegetables and also potatoes more fun and hopefully more healthy. As far as sugar intake goes, I really limit that in the mornings because in the past, that’s where I’ve taken in a lot of sugar whether that was from some sugary coffee/tea drink or a pastry or some sweet yogurt, etc. I still enjoy sweets occasionally, but I’ve found that I’m just a lot less inclined to eat sweets now. I still do really enjoy the occasional trip to Starbucks though, I will say that.

From the past three months, I’m most happy to see my mindset begin to transform. Nothing comes overnight and this is something my mom has told me over and over again but in the past, I’ve just been frustrated by that comment because I wanted results that instant so I could be happy with myself again. Sometimes, I still feel that way, but it’s all getting better. Some things just take time and it’s so much more worth it to celebrate the little victories and enjoy the progress. Have a good week everyone.

21!! Almost…

This weekend has been such a fun weekend, mostly because my family and I decided to celebrate my 21st birthday! I officially turn 21 on October 20th (this Tuesday) but we decided to celebrate a little bit early since I won’t be home on my actual birthday because of school.

Friday, my mom and sister treated me to Chick-Fil-A and Starbucks after I finished my macroeconomics recitation which is always a good time. I really like their spicy chicken sandwich with pepper jack cheese. Yummy! ๐Ÿ™‚ Definitely not the most healthy meal but it tasted good and that’s what matters haha. The rest of Friday was spent doing a lot of homework just so I could spend more time doing other things over the weekend.

Yesterday morning, I worked out and then my dad and I went to pick up my cake from Nothing Bundt Cakes. My aunt and uncle are always so sweet to get me a cake for my birthday. I love the tradition and I especially love the cream cheese frosting on Nothing Bundt Cakes. It’s so sweet but so good. I went with a pumpkin spice cake, because who wouldn’t in the fall? It was a super pretty cake and I’m very thankful that my aunt and uncle think about me. I just wish they could be here to enjoy it with us. ๐Ÿ™‚ We played tennis yesterday and then later in the day, my sister and I got Clubhouse Games on our Switch and practically played that for the rest of the day. Clubhouse Games basically just has a bunch of games like mancala, checkers, chess, and Yatzhee. Very classical but super fun!

Saturday night, we went to Ted’s Montana Grill, one of my favorite restaurants and my mom let me try some of her margarita. Yes, I’m technically still 20 but I’m so close to 21, we figured it was ok. Anyway, 10/10 do not recommend tequila. I like the lemony-lime taste of margaritas but the alcohol part I’m less happy about. Dinner was great and back at home, we had cake and I tried another tiny amount of alcohol, this time Baileys. Again, 10/10 do not recommend. I hated the burning feeling it gave me in the throat. The taste itself wasn’t horrible but I just think I’m never really going to be that much of a drinker and that’s ok! I know that alcohol typically tends to be a theme when people turn 21 and I’ve just never been that interested or curious. I was yesterday for a little bit but I think I confirmed my theories and know that I just won’t be doing what a lot of other kids my age are doing and I’m perfectly happy with that.

Sunday morning, my mom and I did some grocery shopping before heading back to school and I got my gifts from my family. Beside the cute new pair of boots I got, I’m really excited to play around with my new Samsung Galaxy Watch 3. It’s such a cute little thing and I’m most excited to use it to track my workouts and see how active I am, especially doing online school for the most part.

More than anything, I was just happy to spend some good time with my family and friends this past weekend to celebrate something special. Birthdays are always fun but they mostly remind me of how loved and supported I am and it really means a lot to me. I don’t say that to brag or make an attempt at showing how amazing my life is, but I say that because sometimes we struggle to feel loved and appreciated, and it’s during special celebrations like this that I’m reminded of how wonderful my family is and how much they mean to me.

I hope you all have a wonderful week! Cheers to (almost) being 21!

Visits From Angels

This is definitely going to be a really different post but it’s just something I’ve been thinking about lately. Sometimes I wonder if dreams are a way for those from Heaven, our angels, to visit us. Shortly after my grandma passed away, she appeared to me in a dream and told me how proud she was of me and then she walked into light. When my grandpa passed away, I saw him and my grandma holding hands in the distance. They both waved at me and smiled from a distance.ย 

When my sweet little boy, Marty, passed away last August, he appeared to my sister in a dream not too long after his death and he was apparently very happy and healthy looking again which made me very happy to see. I saw Marty in a dream a couple of months after he passed and there was such a feeling of warmth and comfort. It felt too real to just be something my brain was just imagining. A few weeks ago, my sister said she saw Marty again and his hair was getting fluffy and he was becoming a โ€œwooly mammothโ€ again, as we used to call him. Jokingly, I told her that God needs to give Mar a haircut.

Just this past week, I had a dream that we had this little pop-up tunnel thing in my living room at home and I could see and hear movement inside so I looked to see if Boo was in there and it was Marty. His hair had been cut in the typical Schnauzer cut we always had him groomed in and his little lion poof of a tail was wagging. I remember the noises he would make when he rubbed his sweet little face into the carpet. Whenever he finished, he would always let off this really deep sigh or sneeze and I could just hear him making those noises as if he really was there. I picked Marty up out of the tunnel and squeezed him so tight. He gently licked my face like the good boy he always was and I told my mom and sister that Marty had come to visit. I let him go and he went over to get some water. He was a very thirsty boy, thatโ€™s for sure.

Dreams like that make me feel so good and honestly make me feel complete again and itโ€™s very clear that I still really really really miss Marty. I cry a lot over Marty and maybe thatโ€™s ridiculous that it has now been over a year since he left us, but he was my first dog and will always hold the most special spot in my heart. I think about him a lot and every weekend I come home, which has basically been every weekend since school started, of course Iโ€™m excited to see Boo and spoil him for the weekend, but I miss my Mar. I wish I could still hug him in person and hang out with one of the best little guys ever.ย 

Dreams like those Iโ€™ve kinda shared do make me wonder, are dreams a way for angels to visit us? Iโ€™ve mentioned this a bit already, but the feelings Iโ€™ve had, seeing my grandparents and Marty feel too genuine to just be my subconscious and my brain processing information. There has to be more to it. The feeling of comfort and security and warmth I get with dreams like these Without a doubt, it feels like Iโ€™m being visited by my angels.ย 

Have a good week everyone.ย 

Dear Freshman Ana,

I just had my first anatomy exam this past week and tomorrow I have my first macroeconomics exam. School is just chugging right along. It’s crazy to think that after this semester, I only have a year of undergrad left and then hopefully we’re off to dental school. I thought about that a lot this weekend and one of the things that I wanted to do was write a letter to past me and just reflect on how things were already so different from my freshman year. It’ll be cool to look back on this three-ish years from now too and see how different life is. It’s crazy to think about where I am right now and how far I’ve come! This post feels a lot more personal, so if you’re not here for that kind of stuff, I’ll get back to something else next week but this just felt important for me right now. ๐Ÿ™‚

If you’re into these types of throwback-y posts let me know! It’s fun to relive memories! I’ve also thrown two pictures from freshman year in, so enjoy!

Dear Ana,
I’m currently sitting in that really loud chair in your future apartment during your junior/senior/whatever-the-heck-we-wanna-call-it year as I write you this letter. You don’t know it yet, but you really like your apartment and it is such an upgrade from that homey little room you lived in freshman year. It’s been nice having no roommate, that’s for sure though. I remember how motivated and excited you were to beginning your college journey. You were so determined to be perfect in everything you did. You knew what you wanted to do and that has been one heck of a confidence boost as we’ve taken this journey that is college. When we first added that business minor, I started to think that might not be the greatest idea, but it hasn’t been the worst thing in the world. We’re just not a big fan of macroeconomics right now. ๐Ÿ™‚ And then we decided to add the chemistry minor… Ana, you are so funny and a bit ambitious sometimes but we’re doing the best we can!!

Freshman year, you thought general chemistry was going to be the death of you but we actually learned that organic chemistry II was the bane of our existence. Yes, it sucked but we still survived! You thought that it couldn’t get better than your general biology courses, but I came to learn that physiology was actually one of the best classes I’ve ever taken and I’m currently really loving anatomy, despite the fact that there’s just so much to know. You were so eager to get into your more interesting, less general classes, and I feel like we’re definitely there now. Things are tough but they’re manageable and it’s helping make me a better student and more educated person.

I bet you never expected to live through a pandemic. That’s fully happening right now. Freshman year, the biggest thing you were concerned with was making sure no one found out that you were the one that threw up in the hallway that one night you randomly got super sick (cat’s out of the bag…. HAHA) and now I spend a lot of time cleaning and have to check to make sure I have hand sanitizer and a mask every time I leave my apartment.

The one thing I really miss about you, freshman Ana, was your confidence. We’ve lost that these past couple of years and I really miss the confidence in your silliness and just in yourself in general. We’re working on it now, but I hope we can get back to your energy and sureness one of these days. I remember that you were ambitious freshman year and little me, I just want you to know that we are exactly where we need to be. Maybe there were things you wanted to have accomplished by now that haven’t been accomplished, but I’ve come to learn that we are doing just fine. Everything leading up to this very moment has happened for a reason and everything is going to be great.

I’m proud of you for all you did and accomplished freshman year and I can’t wait to see what Ana another three years from now has to say! Keep your head up and stay awesome. ๐Ÿ™‚

Love,
Ana

Review of the First Week!

first week

So this week was the first week back at school. That was an interesting time, I must say. This week, I just wanted to share my experiences with my first week back and this weird time navigating a worldwide pandemic and college classes.

Classes started on Monday, August 24th, and this first day of school was not like past first days. I didn’t try to dress cute or make myself look presentable which was honestly refreshing but also kind of disappointing. It made the day feel really different. Monday was a horribly busy day. I had five classes, cell biology, anatomy, a business class regarding the legal and ethical issues of business, macroeconomics, and my pre-thesis class. I basically sat at my table for five hours straight after I had breakfast and cleaned up and that was the worst decision of my life. After those five hours of classes and exploring the class pages and syllabi, I had lunch, and then it was time for more class work. I ended my extreme first day of classes with a pre-thesis meeting and then after that hour I crashed. My sister and I ordered Noodles and Company for dinner that night as a celebratory dinner and as a way of saying, “Yay we did it! We survived the first day of classes!” It was a good dinner and if you’ve never had caulifloodles, I highly recommend you look them up and then try them. ๐Ÿ™‚

My second day of classes was a breeze. I had my online session for cell bio lab and then online lab for my anatomy class. For my cell bio lab we have an online portion and an in-person portion. I alternate when I meet in person every other week. When I meet in-person, I’m required to wear a face mask in addition to a mask which seems a bit excessive, but I understand the precaution, so I will do what I can to keep myself and others safe! For my anatomy class, we have a virtual dissection software that we use to understand and see all of the structures we need to look at. I was hesitant about an online anatomy course at first but I actually love the professor that does our lectures and the software we use for virtual dissection is actually pretty cool. That was basically all I had Tuesday, so I had a chance to do some reading for my econ class and was done with my work around 2 pm.

Wednesday, I had my cell bio, anatomy, business, and econ classes. It was a pretty mild day but wowza four classes in one day is a lot of work. I can handle it, but it’s just a lot of information to take in within a few hours. By Wednesday, I discovered that I really liked my business class. It has been very different from any other class I’ve taken so far and I really like how my professors are treating the course as a way of obtaining life skills as opposed to an actual academic course. Yes, I still get graded for the work I do, and there are still assignments and quizzes, but the emphasis is more on building the skills needed to run a business.

Thursday, the only true class I was the first-year honors seminar recitation that I teach. It was exciting to meet my students in person. It was just a very strange environment though. The tables were all so spread apart and it was odd communicating with people and trying to be enthusiastic and share my excitement for the honors program with a mask on. It was just a bit strange.

And then the last day of the school week, Friday!! Friday was another big day of many classes, those classes being cell bio, anatomy, my business class, and econ recitation. My econ recitation was an in-person class and that was interesting. For a class that was supposed to have thirty students in it, we were put in a decently sized lecture hall. All of the rows had tape blocking off all seats except one to enforce social distancing. Obviously we were required to wear masks. My TA basically just talked about how the semester is going to run but I found it most interesting that my TA found it strange for us to be meeting in-person. Our lectures for that course are asynchronous so it seems a bit weird for us to have in-person recitations, but I’m just going to go with the flow and see what happens.

It was a strange first week of classes but it was also good in many ways. It was filled with a lot of mask wearing and hand washing but it was also filled with fun and I was especially happy to see a bunch of my friends again. Hopefully people make good and smart decisions and allow us to stay on campus until Thanksgiving break. Stay healthy, stay safe, and I’ll see you next Sunday!

First Apartment!

first apartment!

Another school year is right around the corner and today was move-in day to my first ever apartment! Wow! I’m exhausted but I felt that this was important and wanted to share. ๐Ÿ™‚

My mom, sister, and I arrived back in the glorious town of Fort Collins around 9:30 this morning and began unloading the car and brought everything up to my fourth floor apartment . I was honestly worried coming into the whole apartment world because I signed for a studio and typically, studios are quite small. Not this one! It’s the perfect size, in my opinion, and I absolutely love it so far.

I have a small kitchen with the tiniest dishwasher and stove with oven that has hardwood flooring. I’m a big fan of hardwood flooring. To the right of my kitchen, I have my washer/dryer unit and then to the right of that, I have my small living space and cozy bed cave situation. There’s also a table and two chairs, perfect for studying/eating/procrastinating/etc. I think it’ll be interesting to not have a formal desk like what I’ve had the past two years, but I think it’ll work out just fine. My bathroom is on the right when you first walk into my cute lil’ studio and I have a nice shower in addition to the other things that a bathroom typically has. It’s a pretty good size! As mentioned, I’m also on the fourth floor and also the top floor of my building and I have a wonderful vaulted ceiling. It makes the entire space feel a bit bigger and it also makes my large window look even larger. ๐Ÿ™‚ So cozy!

I’m so thankful the apartment came pre-furnished and that all of my amenities and utilities come included in rent, but the one thing I wish I could change was the color of the comfy “living room” chairs. They’re striped and brown, orange, and a strange greenish-yellow color and I feel that they don’t really fit the theme or color scheme I’ve tried to create but it is what it is.

The thing I’m most excited for with my apartment is my bed cave. You might be asking yourself, “Why does she call it that?” and to that I say, I call it that now because my bed is in it’s own little space. It’s in the far right portion of my apartment and it’s up against the wall. The foot of the bed is also closed off by a wall. In case you don’t get the picture, you can look up to the picture at the beginning of this post to hopefully get a better idea. ๐Ÿ™‚ It looks like it’s going to be a very cozy, very comfy situation.

Maybe I’ll post a little apartment tour when I get fully settled and all of my stuff is put together! That could be something fun and different. And now with this done, I am going to bed because I’m pooped. Have a wonderful week everyone. See ya next Sunday!

I’m Rescheduling My DAT…

Some of you may recall, but earlier this summer, I announced that was taking the Dental Admissions Test or DAT in early/late August. I have been studying this summer and working up to the exam, but lately, things just didn’t seem quite right.

I was waking up in the middle of the night panicking about this exam. My brain would go through things like, “What if you fail?”, “What if you need to retake it?!”, “You’re not ready, you’re not ready, you’re not ready!!” I would literally work myself to tears. Lately, I’ve also noticed that I put off studying. I had such a good momentum going earlier this summer, but lately, I’ve honestly been avoiding it. Studying for the exam reminded me that I have to take it and that would bring all those horrible thoughts flooding back which I wasn’t fond of at all.

Pushing away my studying meant that I could not think about failure for a good portion of my day. Pushing away the organic chemistry and general chemistry and biology and math meant that I didn’t have to think about the time crunch that is the DAT and the intenseness of it all. In some ways, I’m happy that I pushed it away but I’m also frustrated with myself for allowing fear to partly be the reason I lost my motivation and momentum. I literally sobbed after canceling my original DAT appointment. SOBBED! Were they tears of joy? Sadness? Relief? I feel like it was a bit of everything. I was happy in the sense that I had just allowed myself some room to breathe and I would now have more time to prepare. I was upset because I had already spent two-ish months preparing for this exam and I was feeling like I had just wasted the money that went into that preparation. I truly felt like a failure for not just taking it when I decided to take it originally. But then with that I also felt relief in knowing that my exam was no longer weeks away, but now months away again. I also knew that I wouldn’t burn myself out coming into this semester which was REALLY important to me considering my course load for this fall.

After some thinking, and hopefully good thinking, I decided to reschedule my exam to better prepare myself mentally and truly crush this DAT. School has always been intense, especially this past year and I know that dental school is only going to be more intense, and there is going to come a time when I can’t just reschedule something until I feel more confident in my knowledge and abilities and ready to deal with that something. I’m thankful though, that I have the opportunity to learn from my DAT journey leading up to now. As of right now, the current plan is to take the DAT over Thanksgiving break. That will give me plenty of time to be very settled into my upcoming coursework and it will also give me plenty of time (hopefully!) to find my confidence in the knowledge and skills that I’ve already built for the DAT and then also to polish up everything so that I absolutely destroy this exam.

Hopefully I’ve made the right choice and we’ll see how round two of my study extravaganza goes for this monster test. Have a good week everyone and don’t be too hard on yourselves! ๐Ÿ™‚ See you next weekend.

The Final Straw with ProctorU

I have a lot of issues with online testing, especially those run through ProctorU. If you’ve been around a while, you may recall my issues with the proctoring service last summer! How fun…

I’ve been taking biochemistry online this summer and our exams have been proctored by ProctorU Live, meaning that I’m proctored in real time by a real person. This person has complete control over my laptop when I give them permission and they force everything to be shut down: from my Siri command to my screenshot abilities to my access to settings. They monitor your eye movement, what your room looks like, and even where your phone is, all to prevent more students from cheating. Most of the time, I understand the precautions that the proctors take and are required to take.

This past time however, my proctor took it a bit TOO far. In my room, I have a tournament draw that shows my regional tournament from junior year of high school when I won the 2 singles varsity tennis regional tournament. There is absolutely NOTHING on that poster that would or could be used to cheat. I have four clear glass trophies from other various tournaments I’ve won on my desk too. In the past, I’ve showed proctors that there is no harm in any of them and they’ve permitted them to stay at my desk. Most proctors have also understood that people get nervous during exams and it’s nice to have a glass of water available to you. As long as it’s a glass and they can see that you haven’t somehow magically taped some notes to the glass, you’re set. This proctor though. Oh. My. Goodness. She forced me to take EVERYTHING from my walls and desk. Even my ID, which as needed to verify who I was, was no longer allowed on my desk. I had to fully show her the process of me attempting to get my tournament draw off of my wall and then show her where I placed all of my belongings. After all of the rearranging and moving, I still had my glass of water at my desk. She told me to move it and I stood up for myself. I mentioned that I had been allowed my glass of water on past exams and she very rudely told me that she would notate my exam and my request to have a glass of water. She also explained that my exam score may be compromised… FOR THE FACT THAT I WANTED A CUP OF WATER AT MY DESK. Goodness gracious did that do “wonders” for my mental state going into that exam.

Not only was my proctor absolute trash, but I had struggled to get hold of one in the first place. There is supposed to be a proctor prepared for your exam time when you schedule. That’s the point of scheduling before your exam- to ensure that someone is THERE for you at the TIME YOU REQUESTED. My exam was supposed to begin at 9:10 am but it actually didn’t start closer to 9:30 am because of all the crap I dealt with. I was a total mess during my exam mostly because I worried that my score may not even be counted!

In the end, I actually ended up doing alright on the exam, but still, the score was not was I studied so hard for. Regardless of that, I am thankful that I had the opportunity to test from home. I recognize that this is a stressful time for everyone and maybe my proctor was just having a rough day. I get that. I also know that there are things that I can and cannot control and the crazy, rude actions of other are something I have ZERO control over and that’s okay! I can control how I respond in situations like where someone is unkind, hurtful, and rude, and be the better person. Remember to be kind but also stand up for yourself!

If you have to use ProctorU through your university, I’m so so sorry. See if there’s anything you can do to test at a university testing center or find another way to be proctored. That’s what I’m doing for my last biochem exam! I’d be curious to know if anyone else has had major issues with ProctorU… Let me know! Anyway, have a good week everyone! See you next Sunday ๐Ÿ™‚